the-goddamazon:

msruhhnoir:

myokcupidtragedy:

subarbievol:

Straight boys like “lets threesome” but can’t even please one woman

ATTENTION EVERYONE THIS IS THE REALEST SHIT I’VE EVER READ

Just say “sure babe, let’s get another guy in here” and see how quickly they shut down.

The bolded is the realest shit. EVERY. TIME.

zerstorend:

do you ever get in those moods where you don’t know how to feel and everything kinda feels mixed up and you’re just sitting there alone in your room trying to figure out what the fuck is wrong with you

fuck shaving fuck female birth control fuck cat calling fuck inappropriate groping fuck psychological torment fuck domestic violence fuck housework fuck persistent sexualisation fuck anything & everything men think they have a right to.

glitorisx:

I am actually a terrible person which i hide under multiple layers of sass, sarcasm and self hatred.

captaiinmarvel:

when girls press their whole body against you when they hug, it means they like you a lot. also, they’re measuring your body to determine how long it will take them to eat your flesh, a technique shared by boa constrictors

fasterfood:

imagine being a newborn baby. u could fuck with people so hard. like someone goes “oh, how old are you?” you go “55”. they get confused as fuck. “wtf? u dont look close to 55”. at this point u have the upper hand. you smirk, and say “55…minutes”. everyone gets a good laugh. imagine

the-dick-lord-levi:

So we have an Italian exchange student at our school. And he and I were hanging out and he saw a pony, and he tried to show me but he didn’t know what it was called so he just pointed at it and said “Look, the compressed horse.” 

And then he just grinned at his complete understanding of the English language.  

holycorpse2:

holycorpse2:

skills

  • blowing cigarette ash off my clothes
  • living in filth/living with bugs
  • customer service

experience

  • made out with a girl once
  • it was tiiiight
  • so tight

really though.. it was fuckin tight…